The Mumble: Gay vigils and Scouts

The following story has a moral, but is told best in a timed fashion.

Monday afternoon (8/02/09):

7:30am- wake up for work.

12:00pm- Lunch break.

1pm- Check my email. I receive a google alert that there was an attack in Tel Aviv at a gay youth center. 2 Israelis dead, 15 wounded. I'm surprised that it was labeled as an Israeli-Israeli hate attack. It's just so contrary to most attacks in Israel.

2:36pm- I get an email from my math teacher. She tells me that there's a vigil in Dupont circle at 8:15 that night. She ends the message asking if I'd like to speak, and if I'd like "to spread the word." I'm in utter shock. See, I know I'm flamboyent because I enjoy walking shirtless, some of my close friends are feminine, and I'm touchy-feely (I like to express my emotion with hugs and other various forms of humping). But I really begin to wonder what my math teacher's motive is here, as in if she thinks I'm gay. I pass if off as her just assuming I'm liberal and into civil rights (wrong).

See the thing is, I'm really not that liberal. I have friends that are liberal (Donkey Kong- he's so liberal his aborted fetus has abortions, Cadillac- believes that affirmative action is in no way exclusive, and Joebe- the only Jew I've met that is reformed and anti-Israel), and I do spend a large quality of time with them doing liberal things (political debates, jet skiing, etc.). But I dislike the Democratic party as a whole and I find myself usually taking a more conservative seat in economical debates. Actually, I'm terrifically homophobic. It's weird how I like touching men- it's as if I neutralize my phobia of homosexuality by being "open-minded." I've been an active member of the Boy Scouts of America since I was 6, and truthfully I've always been apathetic towards gay rights. I met a kid when I was 12 that told me Gays couldn't light matches because they are so sinful they'd light up like a bottle of kerosene. I didn't even understand how sin correlates to fire because I was Jewish, but I knew that I never again would let a gay hold a match. I once turned down an invitation by a friend to see the movie Milk just because I knew I wouldn't appreciate it. Or maybe I didn't want to. Either way, I was a bit freaked out that of all people I was asked to do this, but I decided to test my people skills and "spread" that "word."

4:20pm- It didn't spread very well. I must have called 20 people or so, and I had a couple people calling here and there by 4:30. I mean, it was pretty last minute, but everybody kept saying, "maybe I'll go, I'll spread the word." It's not that I don't believe people didn't spread the word, I just wish in some way they had let me know who they already talked to. After each phone call I was afraid the next person would already know about the vigil and I'd just be bothering them. Good thing that was never the case. I didn't get a single person to come, which made me feel pretty bad.

4:56pm- I got word from the head of the vigil. He gave me his phone number asking to call him if I'd speak. Feeling bad about my lack of cellular success, I felt indebted to him to give him some David Friedland love. I decided to fuck it, and give speaking a shot. After all, I need the practice.

5:10pm- I talk to the vigil MC and he tells me I can say whatever I want under a 2 minute time limit. Not bad, it sounded like a short and easy speech to give last minute. I ask him if I can wing it. He says to speak from the heart. I then ask him will it be ok if I'm not gay. I think the pause in his response told me he was offended by the question, so I decided to just keep talking and rephrased my question into something about the organization I'm speaking for. He told me sexuality was a personal choice, and that people of all backgrounds would be here tonight. Hoorah! I knew I wouldn't be alone.

6:00pm- I take the metro to Dupont Circle. I didn't know how far away Medical Cencer was from there (7 stops, but that could by any time from 10 minutes to an hour), so I skipped getting a dinner.

6:40pm- I arrive at the Dupont circle fountain. I have some time to kill, so to take my mind off the hunger I begin brainstorming my speech.

6:55pm- I'm trying to figure out if "gaytred" is actually a word, and whether or not it would be appropriate to say to gay activists. I decide against it, seeing as the vigil crew is coming in, with candles and lighters.

7:00pm- The vigil asks if I'd be willing to hang ribbons. Why not? I'm a scout, I can tie knots.

7:15pm- I am reminded that the gay symbol is a triangle and/or the rainbow. As I am hanging ribbons, I leave the streamers lying across a walkway. A very liberal man walks up to me and asks, "what's that?" Not figuring out what he meant, I respond by saying, "that's different colored ribbon I'm streaming."

He responds, "I know, I can see that. But what's it for?

"Oh. Some gay vigil?"

"So it's a bridge?"

"No... It's just ribbon that I'm streaming."

"Yah, yah. But it's a bridge, right? Like if I cross it I'll become gay or something?"

I was frustrated at that point. The guy wasn't making any sense, I was hungry, and despite my apathy I didn't have time for ignorance.

"I don't know. Will it?"

"Well you do work for the SMYL's , right? That's the gay youth group."

"It's just ribbon. That I'm streaming. But in all respect sir, I don't think that ribbon will make you anymore gay than you already are."

That came out wrong. The guy was pissed. And so was my ribbon-hanging partner, who I believe was bisexual and puerto-rican.

2 minutes later- I was relieved of my ribbon hanging duty. Time to rethink that speech.

7:57pm- I'm still unsure of what I'm going to speak about. I start handing out vigil sheets and program guides. I don't really know what I'm doing. There are lots of rainbow skull caps and dirty stares. Are they looking at me? Do they know I'm homophobic?

8:15pm- The program starts. I'm impressed with the large crowd it's gathered. Many people are staring. In the back there are some black guys making fun of the gay symbols. I get beckoned to the front of the stage. I'm still not sure what I'm going to say, but at this point I'm just terrified I don't reveal my phobia.

8:30pm- I listened to some Reformed Rabbi give a speech about the terrifics of what happened in Tel Aviv. I began to feel isolated, thinking that I was the only one in this crowd who didn't understand the magnitude of what had happened. I mean, people die all the time. I feel no connection to those two Israelis. It's sad, but not breathtaking. I begin to think about how all the speeches look back at this hate crime, and how all the speakers use their rhetoric. Each of them continued to speak as if we must feel guilty that opression happened. As if it's my fault, the homophobe, that gay people are dying. I realize what I'm going to speak about.

8:40pm- I blanked the last ten minutes visualizing what I was going to say. I hear my name being called. It's time to kick some gay rights butt.

8:41pm- Boos start sailing in when I introduce myself as a Boy scout. But the candle and fire threats don't stop me as I speak into the setting night. My hearts pounding, and while I speak I'm tempted to ask the crowd if they'd give me a head start.

But instead of ending it roughly, I decide to make fun of myself. I mock my ignorance, and I accuse myself of being unable to change. It was exactly what my Public Speakings teacher had mentioned, pathos/ethos/logos- feeding the emotions of the audience right back to them. I told them gays exactly what they and I wanted to hear- that this event in Tel Aviv had changed me, and that if it can change me, it can change the world.

8:44pm- the crowd roars and claps. I'm glad my speaking is over. There are some blank stares at me. I knew that that night I had made both friends and foes.

8:52pm- the vigil ended. A couple bloggers and a reporter from the Jewish Week came and asked me some questions. One of them involved spelling my name. I was pleased that he cared.

8:54pm- I spoke to the few people I had recognized in the crowd. Some school alumnis and a teacher. I then bump into my math teacher

9:34pm- I spend a good chunk of time hanging out with my math teacher, just talking about the summer. It sounds like my summer was better than hers. I wish her goodnight.

10:34- the metro ride was long and I get home. I call some people, and I talk about the vigil. I didn't know whether to be in shock or not- that I actually told a crowd of 300 hundred gay people I hated them.

This past Friday- I get the Jewish Week in the mail. I read the article, and the first thing I notice is my quote. Well not my quote. David Friedlander's quote. The David Friedlander, a student activist from JDS. What an itchy butt.


And that's why I will never mumble around a reporter again.

What We Lose

"How much of human life is lost in waiting."

It's almost as if Ralph Waldo Emerson knew how I'd start my blog, when he first in 1982 began writing Essay & Lectures. The truth is that the quote doesn't describe me in any way, rather it gives a good illustration of what has become of my writing. It's not that I've spent my entire life waiting; as a matter of fact I've accomplished a lot so far. I've managed to rebuild houses in New Orleans, empirically rule a region, accomplish flight as an Eagle (Scout), get lost in Moscow, and watch the sun rise without falling. The problem is that I've ignored my English teachers my entire life, and only now do I realize what I've been missing; a record.


It's not me doing the waiting, it's the world watching me grow up. If only I learned sooner that there's something called "blogger.com" four or five years ago would the epic tale of my midnight stroll in New Orleans be published chronologically. Or my perspective of how a juvenile "impulsively grabbed" a teacher's ID card. The lost opportunity to change this world has scarred me in a motivational way. From now on I should take this blog on each adventure I experience, whether it be a grocery expedition or a midnight road trip to Sonics.

My name is David Friedland, and from here on out I both challenge myself, the author, and you, the reader to go steady with the whole "posting, reading" relationship. Who knows what we can accomplish when I rant and you criticize! After all, Abraham Lincoln was only as good as a president as his cabinet members disdained him. And without Caesar's empire, we wouldn't know today why the Myanmar government must be impeded.

Whether it be night or day, rain or shine, wifi or infernet, I vow to post whatever excites me in my life. Be warned, no detail shall be spared.